i wish you'd make up my bed,

so i could make up my mind.


yesterday's slap in the face: i've been a terrible best friend. she's gotten closer to him, her and i have drifted apart, so us being together yesterday wasn't only awkward it was disappointing. the great thing about gerrie and i, is that we talk. we are honest. we don't try to offend, insult or ridicule, we just try and set things straight. on the way home from san antonio we talked it all out, and i realized i need to start making more of an effort to spend time with her, like she has been with me. after all, she's been my best friend since i was 5. as i once drunkenly told her "[she's] my numero uuunnnoo" and that statement couldn't be further from the truth. i am really hard on ryan, and i can't help it. i just want the best for gerrie, therefore i'm going to be protective. but in the end, she decides what makes her happy, i don't. i'm glad i finally figured that all out.

sometimes when i'm really tired, feeling a bit under the weather, or the weather outside is sucky i decide to be a recluse. it is so unusual because i am such a people person who loves going out and talking with everyone. yet sometimes, i just turn into this hermit. this was the state of alyssa on thursday, yet i was KIDNAPPED by my bergie blue brew crew boys. we had a dance party at val's which was amazing, and it was a fun night to start off the spring break.

spring break. primavera.

i am jealous of everyone who is at a beach this moment. if it weren't for the cold weather i'd be laying out right now. i might just embrace it anyway. i'm glad i'm staying in austin in terms of saving money, and being able to do the internship. yet the idea of skipping out on the ocean makes me MISERABLE. the ocean is one of the places i feel most comfortable. ever since i was a baby i was exposed to the ocean. galveston, corpus, s. padre, port a, florida, gulf shores, dominican republic, cozumel, playa del carmen, cape cod, huntington beach, la jolla, montanita, las playas, salinas,etc. ahhh

when i was 8 years old, the boogie board was my soulmate. i'd hog it from all my sisters, (i used to be TERRIBLE at sharing things i loved, yet i am the biggest mooch) and take it out for hours. i'd catch HUGE waves, and my dad was already proud. sometimes i'd sit on the board, when the tide was low and just enjoy the rhythm of the waves and think about life. i'd hear the faint calls from my parents "alyssa, you are out too far! come back" but they were always ignored. i was in my zone. i was happy. i could see God's beautiful creation in the water, the skyline, the sun, the pier, everything.

i MUST plan a beach trip soon. not to mention i have to take chase, because he has never seen the ocean. that is just sad.


more events have come up on the calendar:
DAD's visit with 3m men! dia del oso/waco visit to amy! <--mas eventos de abril
katie's return! black out party! katie's 21st, tracee's 21st, last day of school <--may events

last night i watched elizabethtown. it made me want a relationship. i'm perfectly ok with being single right now, because besides that weak moment while watching the movie, i'm having fun being independent. besides, i don't even know what kind of guy i want. i am TOO indecisive. i demand too many things from guys sometimes, and if i made a list of all the qualities i wanted a guy to have, i don't think he'd exist. haha

more blogs to come, hopefully chalk full of sxsw adventures!